I recently in a very proud grand dad moment posted photos of our grand children and noted the t shirt one of them had on as “covering his angels wings”. I said nothing of the t shirt or that it had a skull on the front. It was of no concern to me only using what I thought to be humor, noting that great grandmother and grandson were plotting to reveal his angel status at a later date. What I received from someone very close to me was an email saying “its just a t shirt get over yourself”. Huh, first off the response made no sense and was not what I expected. It was more the get over yourself than anything
With more than 60 years of experience at living life, I am still often stunned by comments from those I have know for years. Often judgmental for all the wrong reasons and sure that they need to keep me in my place. I cant began to tell you how many times over the years someone I trust or I am close to has flippantly tossed out a derogatory, unexpected, clearly unfounded, and blatantly untrue comment. Let me give you a couple of examples.
While playing of all things Foosball more than 30 years ago a competitor across the table who I had know at that time for more than 10 years said “Carter just not that good”. This after through finesse and skill cleaned his clock two games in a row in front of more than 10 people that were watching. I barely had time to celebrate my victory before “your just not that good”.
Sevaeral years later, yet again, playing racquetball with a friend and delivering 3 games in a row of defeat to my then friend I heard, “Carter your just not that good”. I quickly reminded him “I just beat you 3 games to zero, so clearly one of us is that good. From where I am standing its me”.
Why would a man with significant life experiences and interactions with a broad range of people, places and things be concerned, offended or just down right hurt by the voice of so very few. Its because when it comes from someone close, someone you trusted, invested in, counted on for direction friendship or leadership your view of what was “so” is dramatically impacted. Change and the perspective and the assumptions there in of beliefs, security and comfort of the known is shattered. Often resulting in gut wrenching pain and heartbreak.
Over more than 40 years I have sat across the table form men and women who were often significantly above my educational, social and economic standing as well as many who were quite possibly my junior in those standings. My best conservative count is at least 19,000 people, not including seminars, training, social clubs, speaking opportunity’s, as well as general conversations with friends and family. In a majority of those conversations my purpose was to inform, challenge or to establish a call to action, or to assist them in making a decision. In the majority of those interactions my experience and professional delivery of that information was accepted, appreciated, and used for the purpose it was intended. In others not so much.
My point, I do have some experience in the matters of life and so do you! Don’t let others take your well earned wisdom and understanding away. And never let them derail you from that calling and purpose God has given you. The hard reality is, now is the time to break free from those concerns of what others think. DLC
In the book “Getting Back to Happy” Mark & Angel Chernoff Penguin Random House LLC copyright 2018 they provide the following instruction:
” We fear the judgments of others, even though those judgments are rarely valid or significant. The biggest problem is that we tend to forget that people judge us based on a collection of influences in their own life that have nothing to do with us. Basing your self-worth on what others think puts you in a perpetual state of vulnerability- you are literally at the mercy of their unreliable perspective”
My hope is you and I will began to let go of those thoughts, people, places, and things that habitually drag us down. “There is much to learn that will take a willingness to not know.” Thoughtful instruction given to me in prayer more than 18 years ago. A confusing yet profound reassurance of what was ahead. A simple yet explicit instruction. So what to do. Well if I am to follow the instructions then learning is the object then a lack of knowing “faith” must be the key. Well that’s the complete opposite of everything I know. How do you learn without knowing?
- start by taking action, or what might be referred to as blind faith, step out, without confirmation, trusting your instinct or heart, that internal thought process or drive.
- Continual prayer asking for guidance and direction beyond your ability, knowledge, and expertise.
- Having done all stand. Not like do nothing but like in firm confidence of the outcome. “For your good and Gods glory”
- Never forget that what others “think” is really of no concern, and beyond your control. What they do is where our purpose to encourage and instruct lives.
“There is a peace that comes with surrendering self to Gods will and not our own that is miraculous.” Courage and obedience produce great rewards” DLC Sr.
Isaiah 43: 18-19
- Do not remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. 19. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it, and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.
May God bless your life as you pursue him! May Gods love and kindness direct you as we are renewed and strengthened as he does a new thing in our lives, the journey to our new lives is on foot, led by the Spirit, to serve Him, and others.
“It’s just words”.
Dwight L. Carter Sr.
Writer, Speaker, Author.
www.tellthemyourstory .org
dwightspeaks@gmail.com
